Tonight my husband initiated family time which I love. I love it when it is his idea for us to pray together or do something together. I am always ready and willing to go along. But our couple time turned into discussing our future plans time, which turned into, should I say an argument? I don't know whether or not to classify it as an argument but it is so frustrating! I think I am way too negative sometimes and I lack hope in the future. But I am on a different page than Zach. I am working a menial, low-paid job, and I have a degree. A degree that i worked very hard for, and one which I did well at. It is painful to not have a meaningful job after all of that. This experience causes me to lose confidence in ones ability to always get a job that pays for the student loans after college.
I planned to go to grad school when I came home from my mission in Russia, and I fell in love with the idea of becoming a landscape architect. There is really only one option for me in that field, and that is University of Idaho. No other university in Idaho has the program, AND no school out of state is affordable. Before I met Zach I was applying to get into the master's program there, and I got in. Anyways, a semester later, after turning that school down, I still have a hard time letting go of that idea. Going to the University of Idaho, however, is not a good idea for Zach. He is already behind in his education, and if we went there, who knows how his credits might transfer. Our ultimate goal is for him to work and me to not have to work. I really want to be a mom. So if our ultimate goal is for him to be the breadwinner, shouldn't his education be the priority. Yes. I then have decided that I could get a teaching certificate and teach high school while we study at his original university (to which we are transferring back). His school will not let me take classes there, and I cannot get a teaching certificate there.
Anyways we talked, and sometimes I just feel like I'm talking to a wall. No input, and no response. Sometimes I wonder if he understands my side, but maybe I don't understand his. But he doesn't say much about his point of view, and I certainly don't feel any caring or concern for what I am sacrificing and giving up. So far from day 5 of our marriage I have been working at a job which I hate in order to almost make ends meet.
I planned to go to grad school when I came home from my mission in Russia, and I fell in love with the idea of becoming a landscape architect. There is really only one option for me in that field, and that is University of Idaho. No other university in Idaho has the program, AND no school out of state is affordable. Before I met Zach I was applying to get into the master's program there, and I got in. Anyways, a semester later, after turning that school down, I still have a hard time letting go of that idea. Going to the University of Idaho, however, is not a good idea for Zach. He is already behind in his education, and if we went there, who knows how his credits might transfer. Our ultimate goal is for him to work and me to not have to work. I really want to be a mom. So if our ultimate goal is for him to be the breadwinner, shouldn't his education be the priority. Yes. I then have decided that I could get a teaching certificate and teach high school while we study at his original university (to which we are transferring back). His school will not let me take classes there, and I cannot get a teaching certificate there.
Anyways we talked, and sometimes I just feel like I'm talking to a wall. No input, and no response. Sometimes I wonder if he understands my side, but maybe I don't understand his. But he doesn't say much about his point of view, and I certainly don't feel any caring or concern for what I am sacrificing and giving up. So far from day 5 of our marriage I have been working at a job which I hate in order to almost make ends meet.
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